Monkey your post are a mixte of what already lot of people asked here and this is why I was not going into more precise answers !
Dead or alive my memories will come out for sure and to answer to this very serious question about the fact I could be born in South Arabia in 1956, I must said : will you write here if you were born in Tahiti in 1889 ?

PW

monkey wrote:1. to pierre's assistant:

I am not sure why you feel you need to be rude to me, I honestly think you have some underlying issues with women, and this might be the root of your problem. Fortunately, I am driven more my curiosity than emotion...

On confidence: Sure, a man with more financial means might be more confident, but I have know confident men even in the university with me who have very little because they are nothing but a struggling student. This is my point. You cannot focus on a short coming. Focus on a strength. Are you an intelligent person? So exude confidence over that... find something about yourself, and capitalize on that.

Again I do not know where you are from or what the culture is like, but I see couples here where the woman HAS been with the man from the start - maybe met him in school and they struggled through together and now they are successful. Just because a woman meets a man after he has made a life for himself, does not mean she is after his money. The man I am with, when he started his university, I was 4 years old, so It was a little difficult for me to be supportive of him at this time in my life. I was really focused on my "MY Little Pony" collection back then. And when finally I DID meet him, I was in a good job, myself - one one was with me at the beginning when I was struggling, either.

My ex, he had very little - I was the one to work and support him, I even paid for him to go back to the university. But it was a lie, with him, he was very smart (the reason I loved him) but with no heart and he uses his brain just to avoid any hard work on his part. All his time is spent making excuses. But I didn't know this in the start, and I was determined to help him succeed at what I thought he wanted.

There ARE some women that are with men even at the worst in their life, and still the man cheats her. It happens! So, no, there is no guarantee of loyalty. Many men cheat over and over and they have no remorse for it. Maybe you are not this type of man, but there are plenty out there. PW said on this thread how he was cheating his wife with her best friend! Does he seem regretful about this? But I do not use this fact to treat all men as cheaters. I will not punish the man I am with over statistics or the tenancies of other men.

The point here is that the sooner you realize that confidence is not money, the better off your life will be. And if you feel you NEED money to be confident, then dedicate yourself to whatever training or education you need to be a huge success. This is how many men have made their money, from hard work and determination.

I said before, sure there are plenty of women that want just money - and there are plenty of men who want just a woman who is beautiful and they don't care about love. But don't mistreat every woman you see for the fault of some - or you will never find a good one!

ok pierre, i will look thru all posts in this forum, if i find anything i will update this post. if i don't find anything much, i'll get back to u for more info.

Monkey,

I am very sorry it's happened for you this way, really. I have seen this type of thing from women too - and men also! Plenty of people in the world are juggling for position in society. In a way, I think it is normal, but the way it is done is often without regard for others.

On the outside, I am not sure to what extent you mean "shiny". Some women are bothered with the brand and style of your clothes, others are not. But almost all women want to see a man nicely groomed - that takes care of himself. It's a sign of health and self worth.

On porn, yes, most women in the real world are bothered if their man is looking at it. It's not so much a problem with porn itself, as it is a self image issue for the woman. She is worried you are comparing her to the women in the video, or that perhaps you are more attracted to those woman than to her. She feels she has to live up to the "porn star" image, and for many it's quite impossible. Until you are in a very comfortable relationship, I would keep that one in the bag. I am not a fan of lying, but this little "omission" is harmless.

I see from your writing you like a relatively simple life, not too much risk - you are not overly ambition, and you are happy with this. It's a fine situation, but it's true many women are put off by this. Especially if they consider you someone with potential to be/have more than you are. The challenge is to find a woman who is similar in her thinking. Additionally, take a look at your life and routine: What is appealing that a woman would enjoy being a part of? Do you have some interesting hobbies? Volunteer work is fantastic, and a great way for you to meet someone that might perhaps have a similar mind.

In your situation, I would suggest you have to add some excitement to your personality and your description of your life, if you do not want to add to your life itself. For instance, rather than telling a girl - essentially - you have no ambition in your job, tell her you are in a really good position, but you are holding off on accepting a promotion be cause you are really focused on <insert some interesting hobby of personal goal here>... You see, some little exaggeration can help.

I hope it makes sense, because it's not my intent to come across offensive, but I am trying to picture you from your description, and I can see how some girls will see you as "boring" even if you are not. Like I said, ask yourself what about your life would make a girl want to be a part of it? How would her life be if she were with you? If she imagines you without ambition or any interest, you can imagine, she might not be drawn to this.

The best advice I might give you at this point, is worry less about a relationship, and focus on yourself some - find some things in life that are fun for you and enrich your life- "live a little", as we say... In my experience, if you are happy with yourself and your life even alone, it's much more appealing for others to want to be a part of it.

All I can say is that when you're average looking or even ugly, it's way better to be a man because women have so many different tastes and criterias.

There's women who are looking for funny men, other for clever men, for strong men, tall men, nice men, bad men, sportives, good dancers, men with great taste in clothes, rich men etc.

(Not to mention girls with daddy or big brother issues...)

While us, stupid unidimensional gender, can put every chick we met in one of the two category: physically attractive / physically unattractive.

(Theres woment (a lot of them actually) who are looking for handsome guys, but as a man you're definitely starting with better odds than a woman.

(my english is as tired as me)

Grossemite,

You are 100% correct! And your English ranks better than that of 90% of Americans, so don't worry about this!

Better than mine for sure !!!

PW

mmm...i'm a guy who gets angry easy and fight with people, and forget next moment (but some things i remember - like the girls)...
just remembered one more girl...
girl 5
this girl not good looking but keep chasing me at work - i don't know why. Even her coworker told me , u r single-just date her. i thought about this, and one day as i was tired and low mood - smsed her. let's meet i said - let's go dating and get married. she came to mcdonalds with me. And guys you know what - she totally denied having any interest - what a shock - i mean i generally know someone just flirting and someone serious. if the coworker did not tell me earlier why i don't date this girl chasing me i would have thought this girl just joking...
so lesson 4:
if girl chases you hard - don't too suddenly turn and say 'ok lets get married'...then they get scared something is wrong. now i treat her just a coworker - never really liked her.
Another thing i am starting to realize - why am i so worried about getting married - when girls - even ugly ones don't seem to care- especially since women start working, they don't bother about having family, they prefer buying shoes - sex and the city mirrors current women perfectly.
If you marry the wrong girl - they take half your hard earned money in divorce, and since they are mothers, and mothers are more saintly than dads, court gives child custody to them.
lesson 5:
all is fair in love and war - it was wrong of me to apply ethics and morality in relationship when everyone is scheming - i remember one pierre story about boyfriend waiting downstairs thinking girl is doing model photoshoot with pw...sad.
girl 6
throughout all this situation, there was one girl, average looking but nice personality who came up to me - straight up and said she wants to date me - when i was talking with another girl - what balls! even guys don't dare - i like her a lot, but she is the only girl i had to sort of reject as she belong to this cultish religion with a lot of fundamentalist and i wanted no part of that.
girl 7
mmm..very good looking - flirted with her, but realized later she was sleeping with a supervisor who is already married - money and power guys...somehow when i look at her now she does not look pretty but disgusting - one more thing maybe u guys realize this - if you know a persons character -they can become more beautiful/ugly.
rafale,
i'm sorry but u must realize that having interesting lifestyle also means money. if you want to pursue any hobby you need to spend money - and girls dig guys on sportscars, superbikes, play in band etc. for person using left brain - that man try to work hard and save money - to put downpayment on house(expensive) and other such important things so that when wife comes she is comfortable. Of course that man will look boring.
But as PW knows women are like fish. If i put good food and plankton on lake, it looks dull grey - fish not interested, but if i put red colored feather bait with sharp metal hook inside, fish will jump and swallow the bait. Men are starting to understand this.
i understand what u said rafale - i'll forget saving for a house, getting insurance etc - instead like the gangsters, i'll get nice suit, good haircut, big motorbike -attract them, leave them with a child or ask them to work and pay for bike once married. now i understand why we have single moms and families in debt - the man spends to impress the woman and has no money once married - spend - for wedding gown/honeymoon etc - then she will come and say neighbour got big tv we also need it..spend, spend,spend etc

Honey, you didn't hear anything I said....

You think all hobbies cost money? I love hiking (free), running (free), camping ($10-20), canoeing ($20), swimming (free), I like military history (minimal expenses except the actual weaponry), going to festivals and trade fairs (free-cheap).... I can go on.

I don't know what you mean, really, because I am looking in the closet on my boyfriend's side, and I see jeans, a few slacks and shirts. No one fancy suit. Granted, when you start looking at the brand names, they guy shops like a woman but it's stupid, in my mind, not an attraction. There is no fancy car in the garage here, just my Toyota, and we share this at the moment, because it's stupid to keep to vehicles when he is not here to use it. In Algeria he has an SUV - necessary to get to some of his family's residence. The roads are very bad. Even this is not used too much.

The priorities you are speaking of, its exactly what we do with money! Yes, we travel, but beyond that, it goes to securing the future, not "spend, spend, spend" as you seem to think. Anything we have, we have BOTH worked hard to get, and I will not apologize for this.

In the scenarios with these girls, how can we comment when we don't know them or the situation fully? I do know if a man approaches with "lets go out and then get married".... that's a little fast for my taste.... Again, I don't know the culture or the girl, but maybe it put her off. And yes, if you ask a girl - even one CLEARLY interested in you - if she is interested, she is probably going to lie! It's an uncomfortable question. It puts us at a disadvantage to say this up front. Right or wrong, there is still a game being played here - by men and women both! Part of the game is the discovery process.

Yes, I think you should forget getting married in this moment. I think you should do what makes YOU happy - if it's saving for a house, or what ever, do it. Date some, just casually, but focus on making yourself happy with you. If you do this, women will see that you have a happy life, and want to be with you.

Yes, if you are just looking for some casual sex, throw something shiny out there, and see what comes up. I see no harm in that. If it's a woman motivated in this way, then she gets what she deserves if you just want a one night thing, and she is probably not the type you want to marry.

You are letting yourself become too bitter, over this, and it's not a good look for any man. Don't think this is one sided - any idea how many woman are sitting at home right now thinking "why can't a find a good man?" It happens this way for all of us sometimes.

my influences:
-movies - when i was young i watched movies - usually men were the bad guys, but women were the victims, that time i told myself i will care for women like queen. but real life is not movies - i looked around and there were a lot of domestic violence and fights - but why these women although complaining, stick with the man - now i get it - they rationally know he is violent, but subconsciously they like alpha male.
-i was brought up with a lot of ethics, to be polite to women etc - so i always initially tried to woo them in a reverential way - they look down on me - they confuse respecting them as a weakness, just as they confuse violent criminals as 'confident'
-that's why in those days in some societies - the parents decided on a gentleman for the daughter - someone educated and cultured. Now 18 year old girls are making life decisions - no family guidance like before - these young girls choose colorful monkeys and criminals - later after the abortions can start looking for some beta professional/rich males.At this age nowadays if parents/boyfirend tries to be strict with them they'll probably rebel by going to meet PW!