I sit at my computer watching you and your ladies in action, watching you on the dance floor, dancing with these ladies you know you have no business dancing with, yet somehow you find a way to get them on the dance floor and show them the kind of “dancing” you do isn't really scary at all.
I wish I could do the things you do. I wish I could get on the dance floor and dance with the ladies the way you do. I wish I could get on that stage and tell them jokes the way you do. Commanding the room with your vigor and vitality. Captivating the ladies with your charm and confidence, telling them when they get to the bedroom and take off their clothes that everything is going to be okay.
Telling them “This is not going to be an ordinary audition but a new experience that will change your life forever. I am going to fuck you like a dirty little whore” you say to them “I will call you names, spit on your pussy, cum in your face, make you swallow everything I have. I will fuck you in places you have never been fucked before and at the end of the day when it is all said and done you will love me for it because I loved you while I was fucking you. I respected the art and science of sex and at the same time I respected you throughout the process.
I don’t fuck you just to fuck you. I fuck you because I love you, even though I don’t know you I love you because when I see you, I see a lady in a repressed state of mind. A lady whose mind is limiting her from experiencing the infinite possibilities of the sweet science of art, sex and love.
My darling there is an artist in all of us, especially in the ladies. Young or old we all have that inner child within us crying out for more, pleading with us to let him or her out of his or her shell, begging us to release our inhibitions and let the magic that is within ourselves grow and flourish.
"Let me be your magician” you say to them “Let me be your dance partner in crime, showing you moves that will not only amaze yourself, but astound your audience as well. And most of all, let me be your comedian and tell you a joke or two about the facts of art, life and sex that will knock your sox off. Once I get to the punchline you will be on the floor dying laughing. Begging me to tell you more, pleading with me to fuck you harder than you've ever wish possible because once unveiled, once the joke becomes clear your mind will be clear and your inhibitions greatly reduced. Your inner child will thank you and will love you the way nobody you have ever known has ever loved you before.”
Mr. Woodman, I do not know you and you do not know me. I do not know if what I have written is in concordance with your ideals and philosophy in regards to why you do the things you do to these pretty little ladies in these pretty little rooms. All I know is you have entertained me, and countless others, immensely over the years. Your comedic wit, skill and banter on the stage and dance floor has comforted me a thousand times over. And it still comforts me to this very day.
The ladies you have blessed with your fingers, cock and tongue should all stop what they are doing right now and give you a standing ovation for the work you have done over the years. The men watching your videos should stop what they are doing and give the LADIES a standing ovation for all the work THEY have been doing over the years. Because let’s face it, Mr. Woodman, you might be the conductor of this symphony, owner of the orchestra but it is the ladies who are the real stars of the show, making beautiful music with their moans, groans, yells and screams of pleasure.
The beautiful innocence of their faces as they walk along that stage hardens me in ways unimaginable to the human mind. These ladies bare themselves to the world to see at large, unsure of what’s to come and what may happen next in the presence of stranger they barely know and I applaud them for their bravery and willingness to trust a man who truly cares about his craft and the quality of his jokes he makes with his fingers, cock and tongue.
Mr. Woodman, I wish I could do the things you do. I wish I could make a girl like Wendy tell me she loves me, tell me I’m the fucking best with a “nine foot sword” and a “ten pound sack”. I wish had the skills and talent to show a lady like Rebecca that anal sex is not only possible but incredibly pleasurable as well. I wish I could do these things but deep down I feel this will never be the case and this saddens me deeply because my inner child is screaming at me, begging me to cut the bullshit and start making things happen with your cock and get the fuck out of your mom’s basement!!! My inner child has a wacky sense of humor wouldn't you say?
But in all seriousness, I may never be a porn star equipped with the tools and legendary skills you possess, but I will forever and always be your adoring fan until the end of time, or until my dick falls off(goddamn it, there goes my inner child again). Oh well, kids will be kids right?
Mr. Woodman, keep doing what you are doing man and keep lighting the sky with your shining stars so when I watch them from afar they will shine upon me with their grace and beauty making hard and horny and happy to be apart of something as beautiful as your show.
